Name: Steve Mensing
Topic: Jenna: Decisions & Goals.
Sent: 06.15 - 3/10 2001
Jenna:

Making decisions and goals are the start of it all for us. Although this may not be bells and whistles tech, decision making and goal setting are highly important.
I'll center on decisions on this post and post something else a little later on goal setting.

Decisions ask us to make choices and be responsible for them. It's important to know that the more freedom of choice we have, the better able we are to handle our challenges.

Throughout our daily lives we make choices. If we avoid choosing, we make a choice, yet fail to take responsibility for it. When we miss making a choice, we become victims of unhelpful beliefs and may loose touch with how we are feeling. When we decide to make choices we feel more alive.

If we do not make choices, we can not have our wants met or have rewarding and vitally absorbing lives. To live fully asks for decisions. To put off decisions is to wait for something to happen, rather than to make life happen. Goals get locked in the closet and rot.

We may act indecisively owing to the following reasons:
Avoiding conflict.
Avoiding what better be done.
Demanding a perfect choice or seeing all choices as equal.
We are used to others deciding for us. We've never learned decision making skills.
We made an impulsive choice based on anxiety or habit.
We must kneejerk oppose authority.
We believe we must keep all options alive.

TIPS ON DECISIONS

*Watch out for the myth of the "bad" decision. You can learn from so-called failures (Unwanted results or learning experiences). This lesson can help you in the future. Mistakes and unwanted results are very instructive. You can learn to accept yourself in a crisis and how to solve a problem.

*Consider the positive and negative factors involved in your decisions. You may want to utilize a typical pro & con sheet with weighted scores for each listing on your pro & con sheet. Like dented fender (minus 2 points) Leopard skin dashboard (plus 3 points).

*Unless the situation calls for a snap intuitive decision(you'll have to decide that), give yourself time to think through important decisions and weigh all the key factors.

*Few decisions really lead to disasters--usually the worst that can happen is an inconvenience or a learning experience.

*Expect some excitement if you're making changes or taking larger risks.

*In making simple decision:

Consider you options.
Examine the long-term benefits or negatives involved with each option.
Select the best option (If better options appear even--flip a coin).
Commit to a course of action and do it.

*You can accept yourself even after a socalled bad decision.

*Limit your second guessing. Second guessing is not accepting the reality of what happened after you decided. It isn't recognizing what you thought or felt prior to the decision. Second guessing can be a waste of energy. You made the choice and you really should not have known better.

*If you are ambivalent about your decision, it may be your way of dealing with the unknown which you may view as negative. What do you believe about the future?

*Take action on your decision. Follow the Nike dictim: "Do it!"

*When you decide to take a risk, you get better at the process and learn what happens when you make leaps.
Confidence grows with action.

*Like problems, decisions don't go away. An ostrich approach to decison making does not work. Decisions better be faced if you want long-term enjoyment.

*We have no guarantees or certainty of either success or failure. The law of probability rules. We choose actions to further the probability of our decision's success. We can choose to accept ourselves and treat ourselves in a loving manner in either feast or famine.

*In making decisions it is wise to know we have much control(at least the potential) over our behavior, thoughts, and emotions and a very limited amount of control over people.

*Choice means we have two or more ways of voluntarily responding.

*Avoid going back and forth on your decisions. Commit yourself to your decisions no ifs, ands, or buts. Anxiety often departs with a direct dose of experience. Going back and forth can block you from going ahead.

*No perfect decision exists. You almost always have to give something up.

*Do not let anxiety make your decision. Anxiety is often spawned by unhelpful and distorted beliefs.

*If you make decisions via intuition, check out what you're feelings are telling you. Are there any distortions?

*"What if" questions can be a defense against risk and change.

*Watch out for the idea: "Something better might drop into my cup."

*Get feedback from others who have made similar decisions.

*Know that assistance is out there for the decision making process. Experienced individuals. Libraries. Websites.

*How do your choices measure up to your personal values and priorities?

*If you wait for problems to solve themselves, they generally will, but 9 times out of 10 you won't enjoy the solution.

*From time to time we all make errors in our decisions. As humans we simply do not know enough, but we can learn and profit from our mistakes.

PRO & CON SHEET

Instructions: The pro & con sheet is a tool to help us arrive at a decision. Simply draw a vertical line down the center of a blank sheet of paper and label one side "pro" and the other side "con".

1. Relax and generate a list of possible choices.
2. Ask these vital questions about your choices:
(a) Would this choice help me survive and lead to a healthy life?
(b)Would this choice rapidly advance my short-term and long-term goals?
(c)Would this choice keep me out of significant conflict with other folks?
(d) Would this choice give me the sort of feelings I would desire?
****Use only the choices that reasonably meet your values. Any choice threatening your life and health better be tossed.
3. Write your possible choices at the top of the pro & con sheet.
4. Jot down a list of pro factors on one side of the page and then list the con factors on the opposite side of the page.
5. Give each pro & con item a number value: (1) Unimportant. (2) Somewhat important. (3) Important. (4) Very important.
6. Total the number values of the pros, then total the number values of the cons.
7. Generate a pro & con sheet for any other possible choices.
8. After examining the pro & con scores from each choice, pick the choice that gives you the highest pro score after the con scores have been subtracted.

Have fun--back later with a focus on goals.
There's a bit about goal formation at the start of the Dreamstate Creator up on the tech page.

Take care, Steve

Name: Steve Mensing
Topic: Jenna: Goals
Sent: 13.39 - 3/11 2001
Jenna:

As I mentioned previously there's some good information and drills on goals in the ReSurfacing Book and at the start of Dreamstate Creator process up on the tech page. Hope your friend profits.

Goals are simply what you want from life, others, and yourself. Goals better be clear and specific--something you can measure so you can see your progress toward them. With goals you want to have a clear image of what you want and how you will go about getting it.

Here is a simple outline for general goal creation as it comes off the top of my head. You may want to visit the start of the Dreamstate Creator for more detail.

Stepwise method:

(1) Jot down the experience you would like to have. Example: a new job or a clean basement. (2) Make sure your goal is worthwhile and doable either by yourself or with the help of others or machines. (3) Make sure your goal is measurable and specific. Example: I want to read: "The Obi Wan Story" in one year. I want to read it from start to finish. (4) Commit yourself to your goal. Repeat your goal commitment aloud until it feels meaningful. (5) Keep your goal handy and at weekly intervals see how you are progressing toward it. If you're making progress, you will likely feel good. (6) Imagine that you've completed the goal (Dreamstate Creator might be helpful here). (7) Remember that only by action do things get done.

TIPS ON GOALS

*Have a realistic positive expectations about your goals. If you believe you can't succeed you will likely not advance toward your goal. Negative pictures generally lead to negative outcomes. Few muster energy for doomed projects. Holding negative expectations won't help you overcome the likely hurdles in your goal's path. Postitive outlooks, even distorted ones, can go far in keeping you on the road to your goal's completion. Imagine your goal's success. If you have competing ideas, anxious thoughts, and the like, they can be cleared.

* Do what needs to be done for your goal to work.

*Visualize as many details as possible about goals and how you will obtain them. Let your vision be open to change. Don't focus on single incidents having to occur or on certain people performing a specific task. Imagining specific incidents having to happen or specific having to be there can crystalize goal visions around those incidents or people. This approach can lock you into an inflexible course of action. Be ready for changes. Life asks us to be flexible and innovative.

*Take your goal a step at a time. See your goal in smaller units rather than as an impossible whole.

*Commit yourself to your goals. Don't slide back and forth. Commit fully to your visions and carry them through. Being half committed causes unneeded pain, limited progress, and defocuses you. Further you may bail out at the first obstacle. Incomplete commitment may signal you fear possible failure or rejection. Failures are unwanted results or learning experiences. There's no need to dump on yourself or label yourself something negative. At any given time you can choose to forgive yourself and see yourself as multi-faceted with many, many positive, neutral, and some negative qualities.

* Make goals positive. Example: I will be doing ReSurfacing with Daku rather than I don't want to miss doing ReSurfacing with Daku. Folks respond better to positive goals.

*Check out any excuses you make for not making goals and following up.

* Choose goals you can physically and mentally accomplish. There arn't too many 300 pound jockeys.

* Don't get bent out of shape about what others think of your goals. Some folks can't see around corners or will naturally accent the negative.

* Imagine or envision your goals daily.

* Avoid those who belittle your goals if you can't tell them you're not real interested in their opinions at this point of time.

* Sometimes it's helpful to read about others who succeeded. Find out how they think and act. Hey even how they create their goals!

* Make sure your goals are your own.

* If your plan doesn't work at first, plan to edit it. Expect alterations. Plans need not be cast in stone.

*Set a reasonable time limit for your goal to be accomplished.

* Common blocks to goals:

Dire need for approval.
You believe you can't accomplish your goals alone.
Getting mired in details.
Believing in ironclad rules for conducting life.
Not trusting enough to get support.
You must be totally independent.
You must be perform perfectly.
Your goals must be perfect.
All your options must reamin open.
Doing comes second to planning and preparing.
You're more focused on controlling others and events than on going after what you want.
Fearing failure or rejection because you fear becoming a failure or reject (self-labeling). You knock your own ability to succeed.
You believe only one correct approach exists.
You can't stand discomfort, frustration, or pain.
You are demanding with others and they resist.
You devalue your goals or go back and forth on them.
You are convinced luck or magic will deliver your goal without your effort.

*Let go of putting yourself down or giving up if your goal gets snagged.

*Assume you will eventually reach your goals. Avoid focusing on the time it will take (after you've set a time frame for completion).

Have fun, Steve