Name: Steve Mensing
Topic: Mirika: Inferiority & Self-downing
Sent: 14.20 - 2/7 2001
Mirika:

It sounds as if your friend may be suffering from a common human experience called self-downing. Self-downing comes from groups of beliefs that promote rating yourself up and down by what you accomplish, own, or even your traits. Often folks label themselves "failures" or "rejects" because they failed at some task or got rejected.

In this belief's based challenge of inferiority and self-downing we encounter the problem of equating ourselves with our actions and traits. Our actions and traits are important, yet if we own poor traits such as smoking or being unemployed these describe only 2 of our many millions of traits and behaviors. Anytime we choose to rate our self by a single or even quite a few traits and behaviors, we will be grossly overgeneralizing about our self. To rate ourselves by our actions and traits is both arbitrary and self-defeating. BECAUSE YOU BEHAVE FOOLISHLY IN SOME AREA OF YOUR LIFE THIS WILL NOT MAKE YOU A FOOL.

We are multi-faceted persons with many, many postive, neutral, and some negative qualities. As multi-faceted persons we are so complicated that any form of self-rating is nonsense. Each of us possesses millions of traits and behaviors (some ongoing and some in the past). How many points do we get for each trait and behavior? How many points for eye color? Big ears? Fallen arches? A good memory? Hey is this point process arbitrary or what?

Self-rating does not appear objective. We could hardly view ourselves objectively if we describe ourselves with a one-dimensional label? Ex: "I'm an idiot for writing "White Cannibal". Self-rating can be found in anxiety, depression, guilt, and shame. In anger we find self-rating in the form of other-rating. Ex: "That Goof!"

Self-labeling and self-downing can be very unmotivating. Generally we act in accordance with how we view ourselves. If we see ourselves as failures, no good, or fools we will tend to act that way. Better we view ourselves as multi-faceted because that is what we are.

Self-rating and self-labeling can hinder our goals. If we believe we could become losers, failures, or some other negative label as a result of losing or failing, we can become anxious about doing a task. This can unfocus us from our activity. And if we fail at the tesk, we will face the feelings we create when we negatively label ourselves "failures".

Self-rating creates problems when we predict the future. If we negatively rate ourselves, we will see a negative future. Seeing a negative outcome is highly unmotivating.

Self-rating sets up magical goals. We may attempt to be "superior" to others. We are not superhuman or subhuman, yet a powerful case can be presented for us being fallible humans who make errors from time to time. We are multi-faceted.

If you must rate your behaviors and traits, but avoid negatively labeling yourself by your not so hot behaviors and traits. Better to believe you sometimes act foolishly, than to say you are a fool.

We can accept ourselves by refusing to rate or label ourselves or by viewing ourselves as multi-faceted persons. We can find instant grace by simply choosing to let go of self-labeling and self-rating or by recognizing our multi-facetedness.

Self-downing and self-labeling are trance thinking.

It is wise to remember that our self is a belief contruct that may vary from person to person and from culture to culture. Some folks may experience themselves as their current task, as the universe, as part of God, and as lacking a self. We may experience such selflessness when we are in the flow or in meditative states or experience the core self. This is when our labeling and believing mind is out the window.

We can always choose to treat ourselves in a loving anc aring manner no matter what others say or do to us.

Rejection is ultimately self-rejection. Folks can dislike us or reject our behaviors and traits, yet only we can put ourselves down with unhelpful beliefs like: "I didn't get the big job--I'm a failure!"

We don't have to change anything about ourselves to accept ourselves. We can accept ourselves and coexist with our difficulties. We are multi-faceted and can focus on changing what better be changed.


Oops--have to run, Steve